hello, it's me!

Elliot Fong

Alameda, California, United States

I try to be the guy that nobody expects me to be.

I try my best to put all my trust, faith, and love in God's hands.

I turn to him in times of need.

I try to be the best I can be.

You have my trust until you break it.

Though I also forgive, but you must be able to forgive me if the time ever comes.

I'm a pretty outgoing guy, I really like to just talk, and hang out with friends, I love meeting new people.

previous posts

nurul

talk

credits

By Elies
Base Code & Inspiration nostalgia.
Images squidfingers createblog
celestial-star

too much basketball? @ 8:04 PM

ugh. i never thought i would get tired of basketball, but i am. haha. i haven't played in 2 months. i went to basketball camp today, haha i totally snuck out of a game... its alright though because we were gonna win already anyway. when i called you i was so sweaty. after i pushed end the whole screen was covered in sweat. haha. nasty stuff. but i guess it was fun. my team is not the best. but we push it hard and we have good defense. all our games have low scores but we win =]. haha thats a good thing. a lotta my team mates don't really know how to move. some are pretty good. i got some stuff to work on too. i got buckets though. so it wasn't total waste of a day. haha. but i'm gonna sleep really really early today, haha, so i can wake up early tomorrow. i actually did wake up at 6, but then i hit the snooze button, and dozed off. i was going to text you to see if you were busy but somehow my eyes couldn't stay open. i'm sorry, i'll wake up tomorrow. =] don't be busy now. =P... other than basketball things are pretty laid back. two of my best friends from fellowship are both down in LA so its kinda quiet for me. i'm not gonna make this blog too long, i think i'm going to sleep soon... at 8 o clock. haha. iuno. but yeah after basketball my dad and i went out for some pho` and milk tea after =]. so it was all good. i tried banana and chunky peanut butter. i think its.. interesting. haha. =].

Lord thank you for keeping me consistant in my devotions even when i can't wake up early to do them, i always find time in the afternoon. Lord please help me wake up in the morning though, its a lot easier for me to clear my mind in the morning. thank you so much though, please continue to help me grow in my faith. Lord please be with all the people i care about. please be with her and her family, continue to be with her mom. Lord thank you once again for my friends. and thank you for my special friends. Lord little things do mean a lot. please help me see all the little things in my friends. thank you. please continue to make the distance closer and the time shorter. thank you for all your love. In your name~Amen
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From Where You Are @ 3:11 PM

*sigh*. where do i start? last night, game night, was probably the most fun i've had since singapore, now all i can think about is going back to singapore. i woke up, listening to the song "from where you are" by lifehouse. its exactly what i feel. i watched black hawk down today which made me a bit more sad. today, just isn't my favorite day. my mom said she was looking at plane tickets and that she may book something soon. i hope mrs. Lee lets me stay. i would love to be over there. but will i see your face? do you want to see mine? i miss you. here's the lyrics of the song. it explains most of my day...

From Where You Are - Lifehouse

So far away from where you are
These miles have torn us worlds apart
And I miss you
Yeah, I miss you

So far away from where you are
Standing underneath the stars
And I wish you were here

I miss the years that were erased
I miss the way the sunshine would light up your face
I miss all the little things
I never thought that they'd mean everything to me
Yeah, I miss you
And I wish you were here

I feel the beating of your heart
[ From Where You Are lyrics found on http://www.completealbumlyrics.com ]
I see the shadows of your face
Just know that wherever you are
Yeah, I miss you
And I wish you were here

I miss the years that were erased
I miss the way the sunshine would light up your face
I miss all the little things
I never thought that they'd mean everything to me
Yeah, I miss you
And I wish you were here

So far away from where you are
These miles have torn us worlds apart
And I miss you
Yeah, I miss you
And I wish you were here.


Lord please be with me. there's just a lot on my mind lately. this song makes me think about all the fun times, but it saddens me. though i can not stop listening to it, because it is so true. Lord please comfort me. Lord please help me find my identity. Jeremy Wong spoke to us about it last night. please help me see the person you want me to be. You are my God. I know i'm in good hands. thank you for your love. please continue to keep her safe. please be with auntie G. Lord we know that serving you is never easy. please give her strength and hope. Lord we can not do anything without your grace and mercy. Thank you. i pray in your heavenly name~Amen
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Apologizing - in musicals, there is always a happy ending, but in life, when we get what we want, we often miss what we left behind to get it @ 7:02 PM

oh man oh man. so, weird day, but i loved it. so the usual happened this morning. not much to explain. woke up at 6 which wasn't too exciting but hey, i got to webcam wit her and napmi. haha nurul i talked to you today! but i couldn't really hear it. something was wrong with the phone. i heard some, i'm sorry but i can't understand your singlish too well. =P. i accidentally lied today, i did tell some of my friends, i don't know why i said otherwise, i guess i was afraid of your reaction. i'm really sorry, i'm trying my best not to screw this up. i guess my first imprester what our status is, we'll be special friends, watching the same sky, the same bright stars... i apologize asions are over. i just hope they were good enough. but i guess thats what being friends means. that we get to know each other from the inside and out. "i am what you see, i am not what they say, but if i turn out to be, will you love me anyway?" i know along this path i'm going to make a lot more mistakes. i just hope at the end of this life, no matnd just know that i never want to hurt you. what do you think? i know it may be a big or small lie in your eyes, but a lie is a lie.. alright, lets leave that behind right now so i can continue with this blog and stop feeling guilty for a minute. i went out with my friends this afternoon. i had a 7/11 hot dog for breakfast and lunch which was... interesting. alyssa and i had a slurpee drinking contest. haha. omgosh. we were seeing who could drink about the third of the cup first. omgosh. i had a brain freeze, and my mouth was frozen. i couldn't even taste the slurpee. but of course i won [;[;. haha but alyssa put up a pretty good fight. it was one of those stupid funny moments. lolz. uhm but then i went to the doctor to check out my muscle cramps and get a physical. my cramps are gone which is good =]. i got a shot >.< it wasn't too bad though. i gained 8 pounds from singapore! ahh. haha. i wanna go back [;[; and get even fatter. i weigh 128. i haven't grown much taller. still 5'4 =\. its okay. as long as she doesn't grow i'm still safe. haha =]. jk jk. i'm just trying to look on the bright side... i went to visit kealin today at walgreens. she was just taking her break outside. God, i really miss her. she is a great friend. i can't believe she's going to college, it almost feels like i just met her. "in a musical, there are always happy endings, but in life, when you get what you want, sometimes you miss the things you left behind. - jd; scrubs" we actually opened up to each other today, we have never talked privately really. i can't blog what we talked about sorry. hm but her break was only 15 minutes long so we didn't talk long. it was really really nice seeing her again though. oli, next time we talk, remind me about this, i gotta tell you a story. =]. thats about it for the day. since i've been writing, i can't get my mind of that lie. i don't know why. i must apologize again. i'm sorry. i still miss you so much everyday.

Lord, i ask for your comfort now, show me what i need to do. guide my path. Lord, she means so much to me, i ask that you help me be the best person i can be. thank you for all the grace you have given to me already. you have the right to take all this away from me in a blink of an eye Lord. i do not deserve this. Lord i know you have a purpose for both of us. please open our eyes. so we can see your glory, and praise you. Lord i pray that you keep all of us safe. please help us focus on you, through school, and friends, because lord, we do not make time for you, we make time for everything else. our schedule should revolve around you. Once again i thank you for everything we have. thank you that we met each other, please let our friendship last forever. Lord we praise your name. in your name~Amen
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Speechless @ 6:52 PM

dang... look at this sexy skin. who made this? they're hecka awesome! haha. =] thanks oli! so today.. again i woke up talking to my very special friend. i don't even know why i keep posting about it. haha. i'm telling you, ask her to say "yo wassup". its hilarious. i don't even know why. i just laugh everytime. i went to cross-country. coach didn't show again, but we ran 6 miles anyway which wasn't too bad. then my mom took me out for pho` which was very very nice. =]. i'm telling you guys, saying nice is better than good. =P. i can speak singlish. geez =P walao lah. haha see [;[; i don't even know what it means. whats sad is only people from singapore actually read my blog. haha... but it doesn't matter. because my american friends have no clue what i'm talking about anyway. =]. nurul! go online like... after 9 pm [;[;. i may be on. on to the rest of my day. i didn't have time to do my devotions this morning so i did them in the afternoon. lately, i've been slacking, kinda drifting away from god slowly. i fixed that up =]. i turned off everything i had, sat in my room, and just listened to a couple worship songs. i always listen to a song before i do devotion because it focuses my mind. i read the bible for a while, it was quite amazing. it was all quiet and stuff. i loved it. then i recorded a little bit. i started a couple songs but they're not finished yet. then i was finally able to be an alarm clock. haha. you should hear her when she just wakes up [;[;. she sounds dead. hahah. but i love it anyway. and i'm really sorry. i know i tell you this all the time but its true. i really hate waking you up when i know your still tired. =\. sorry! anyway. really looking forward to talking to the insane girl (naomi). haha. we'll webcam and do stupid things =] kay?! pwahaha. oh yeah. one more thing, c'mon singaporians. when you see a good friend or something. GIVE THEM A HUG! haha. or if you say bye even though you know your gonna see the person the next day. give 'em a hug. i go to school for hugs =]. they're comforting. shesh. haha. but really though. singaporians need to hug more... lolz.

Dear heavenly father, another day has passed, thank you for all you have given to me. Lord each day i am still amazed. i'm so speechless. each day i realize how big of a sinner i am, but each day i realize, how much grace you have given to me. all the aspects in my life right now are indescribable. Lord you placed the stars in the sky and you know them by name. How great are you. Lord thank you so much. help me become the person you want me to be. Lord help me be an example. Lord please be with olivia. i know its a very long time to wait. Lord please comfort her when she's needs comfort. Lord please give us both patience. Let us know that we are in your hands. Lord thank you for putting my priorities straight, and getting my focus back on track. please continue to guide us. thank you for your love and mercy. In Jesus's name we pray~Amen
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@ 9:47 PM

wooo. another long day. this morning i woke up, talked to the sweetest and most caring person i can ask for. i honestly have to say. its pretty cute when she tries to speak with an american accent. haha you should hear it when she says yo. afterwards i got ready to go to cross-country >.< i don't actually like to run but i guess there's some things you just need to do. a promise is a promise right? haha. an old friend texted me her new number today. i decided to give her a ring because i haven't talked to her in a while. we didn't chat for long but it was well worth it. man i still can't believe she's going to college already. she seems so... adult-like. haha. working and all. its nice we still keep in touch. oh i forgot to say, i didn't actually run cross-country because coach tony didn't actually show up.. haha =]. maybe thats why i like him so much? nah couldn't be =P. besides that, me and "the boys" have been recording all day.. ugh i really love it, and i really love music but a whole day of recording is a bit much. my vocals hurt =\. but again, i guess you gotta do what you gotta do. the final product is done. check it out on my myspace. ( www.myspace.com/elliotfong ) i know, my vocals suck, but i'm just here until someone else can fill =\. bare with it. haha. the music is nice. i really enjoy it at least. i made pizza for dinner, for everybody. it was pretty fun. and pretty nice too. (<--- haha i said pretty "nice"). other than that not much happened. oh. i played apples to apples haha. that was fun while it lasted. okay.. on to the more.. serious things if you will. Sometimes i feel like i'm the reason why your friendship with him isn't going so well. its hard to explain but i'll give it my best shot. maybe if i wasn't here, you guys would've patched and would be alright. maybe if i wasn't here, even if that didn't work, you guys could've still been friends. or at least talking. thats just how i feel sometimes. the days seem so much longer now that your calls and fellowship are really the only things to look forward to. but hey, nobody said it would be easy right? lets make the best of our time apart. =]. you know somehow, even when its not funny or anything, talking to you makes me smile a lot. don't worry about all the plans and things. we'll see each other. =).

Dear heavenly father, i move through the crowd, try to find myself, when you found it for me. and i ask myself, who do i want to be? Lord thank you for showing me my purpose in this world. Lord, you know i want to go to singapore so bad, to see her, but help me know what my priorities are. Lord i pray that you help her understand, that i must finish my seminary school before i go back. Lord i know its a very long time, but i pray that you keep our focus straight, and that you will keep us close though we are so far. Lord please give us comfort when we are scared, cold, and in the dark. You are the beginning and the end. We know you are great. Lord please let these days go by quick, but still filled with meaning. I love you Lord. In your name we pray~Amen
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somehow find, you and i collide @ 5:16 PM

wow. okay. crazy day. sorry guys i haven't blogged in a while. and my special friend is telling me that i need to =P haha. alright so back to today. weird stuff... i said my testimony and watched the slide show at church and it was all good. then there was this pain. i wasn't sure what it was but i couldn't move. it kept hurting even if i didn't move. i didn't know what was wrong with me. i wanted to go home. but i didn't have a ride. i had to get my friend ben to drive me to the bus terminal and then take a bus back to alameda. omgosh, the bus ride was the scariest part. it was like i was boiling or something inside. it felt like there were bubbles under my skin or something. really nasty. my sister was freaking out. she had to skip her church service in berkely and come pick me up. when i was still on the bus i told my sister (she's a nurse) all my "symptoms". she thought my appendix was gonna blow. thats when i almost went crazy. i thought. i was on a bus, i wasn't going to get back for at least another 20 minutes, and people think my appendix is going to blow up. scary stuff. thats when i needed a little bit of comfort. i prayed constantly. i had to wake olivia up which i really didn't want to do but i had to tell her incase something did happen. those two short sms, made me feel like everything was going to be alright, i'm in god's hands. i felt much better inside. i made it back and got checked out by the doctor. it turns out i just have muscle spazems. i was so relieved but it still hurt like crazy. the pain started going away soon, i didn't get any pills or anything. then i talked to her for a while, haha, i'm not sure, that was kind of weird, i think i wasn't thinking right in that conversation. i was just saying things about tiggy and laughing. haha. i guess i haven't fully recovered from that scare. but i want you to know just because nothing happened, doesn't mean the sms i sent wasn't true. all the good things =]. alright, enough about today. update of the last couple days. not much happened, i went to my mom's co-worker's house for dinner and they were vegan or something, but the food wasn't great haha. fellowship was good. i feel really stupid though. i thought i grew so much from singapore, but now i see that there is so much more. the question was why do we try to stop ourselves from sinning. i always thought the answer was: because god doesn't want us to and we should follow him... wrong.. victor showed us. that we should not sin because we feel guilty. we feel bad for sinning against god. we should not sin out of love for god. look as if it was you and your special friend. you know if your my special friend =]. i wouldn't do anything bad to hurt you because i care about you. not because i'd feel bad for doing it. same thing with god. i don't want to hurt God; sin against him. because i love him. this question made me feel so stupid because we all should've known the answer. there is so much more, but this post is getting a bit long. basically the other days weren't too exciting.

Dear heavenly father,
thank you for all you have given to me. thank you for my special friend, my family, my brothers and sisters in christ. they mean so much to me Lord. i can not thank you enough for putting them in my life. please continue to help me grow. Lord we all fall, please let trust in you that you will help us back up. Lord please be with her, patience is hard for the both of us. Lord please help her grow and learn also. help her put all her trust and faith in you. lord, let her be pleasing to you. i know she tries her best at everything lord, please fill her every need. Lord, your word says love is patient. please give us strength to pull through.~Amen
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I won't hesitate no more @ 8:12 PM

ah what a title. my favorite song =]. today... today wasn't much. talked to her in the morning which is by far the thing i look forward to the most in my day... actually. technically i don't look forward to it huh? since its the first thing i do in the morning. =P you get the point. its the highlight of my day. though we don't have much to say, it doesn't really matter. it makes me feel so connected with her. today you were telling me. 10 years. yes that number scares the ___ outta me (i'm trying to break the habit of swearing =]). but you know.. my special friend.. a number is a number. there isn't a way to cheat it. face your fears right? thats what they say at least. i know for sure there will be problems. when we get passed our first fight, everything will be alright =]. but i really don't wanna fight with you >.<.. i guess its just something that eventually happens. 6 years is a long time before something can start. just know in 6 years, i'll be ready and waiting. in 10, i'll still be waiting. no matter how long it takes. you're still my special friend. i'm not worried though. God has everything under control. [;[;. just keep trusting in him. trust really is all we need. =]. on to other things. after that chat, i went to breakfast, had some ramen =P. billy came over, we road our bikes. had some carl's jr. went to walgreens to see if kealin was working but she wasn't. i bought shaving cream because last time my mom got me the walgreens brand one and it sucks. haha. came back home. watched a lot of house. haha best tv doctor series ever... right after scrubs of course =]. thats about it. i'm trying to get back in shape for x-country. singapore makes you fat. haha there's no bad food! amazing. but back to the most important issue. i really do miss you. and i'm very thankful for you. somehow you comfort me and make me smile everytime. i know when school starts its going to be a bit harder for both of us to keep talking twice a day. but i promise you that i will call you every chance i get. =]

Father Almighty, i thank you every single day. but it doesn't seem like i've thanked you enough. thank you. for your mercy, for your grace. you are more than enough for us lord. thank you for my special friend. thank you for making my life so bright. thank you for comforting me whenever i'm in doubt. thank you for putting a smile on my face everyday. Lord i ask that you be with her, help her focus on you, help her focus on her studies, and still have time to have fun. please be with her mom, Lord serving you is not easy, please keep her strong, and please bring her helpers. Lord send me also. Lord i pray for little jonathan, at the aids society group. Lord keep him strong. Help him get passed everyday, i ask that you send me back there to continue work. thank once again awesome creator. In your name~Amen
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Time is NOT a Factor at All @ 1:44 PM

Omgosh the freakiest thing happened. i was worried sick, then you sent me Psalm 23:4. reading it comfort me. how did you know that would work? geez. you know me so well already. this is crazy. yesterday i went on an awesome adventure. me and 2 other friends were suppose to eat lunch, but we ran into jeremy and it turned into an adventure. we went to stonestown to eat lunch, then we didn't know where to go. we ended up going to seramonte and meet up with annie. oh yeah. vivian and i are the best guessers ever [;[;. then we went to target to pick up some soda and went back to jer's house to watch movies. we watched oceans 13 then live free or die hard. haha awesome movie by the way [;[; we got pizza. it was really fun. i haven't hung out with them in a long time. we need to chill more guys! =]. i overslept today. missed her first call. somehow woke up for the 2nd =]. it was really nice to hear her voice when i first woke up. its... soothing? =P i miss them so much. i look back on last year, and it seemed like it went by so fast. because it did.. one year is nothing when we have each other to comfort the other. =]. today billy and phu were over. we hooped a little bit but not much. its kinda boring when no one is around. i wish school would start just so i can get it over with. well thats about all i got. i've been sitting around the house watching movies a lot. i'm scared to face the world again. but i guess i have to eventually. will you be at my side when i open the door to the world?

Dear God, i do not deserve any of this. thank you for your grace and mercy. thank you for a great time. thank you that after all this time, i still have so much fun with them. thank you for her, even though she's on the other side of the world, you make it feel like she's right next to me. Lord i know you have a plan, we do not need to worry. because even when we walk through the valley of the shadow of death, we know you're with us. thank you for so much, i ask that you will be our glue =]. please help us focus on pleasing you, and only you. because we know when you are first, everything else will follow. please keep our priorities straight. we love you o God. Thank you.



oh i forgot to say. tiggy isn't mad at me anymore [;[;
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the sorry's and thank you's @ 10:29 PM

two posts in one day, oh well. what else do you do when you've been at home all day watching movies? =\. i got my school schedule today for next school year. Chemistry first. >.<>.< i'm still clearing up whats my 5th period, band 6th <33 omgosh the best class ever. then honors alg.2/trig 7th. man but there's a lot of walking... =\. all of my classes are in different buildings. at least i won't be fat heh? anyway, on to other matters. I was suppose to call my friend today after i went to south shore but i completely forgot. i'm sorry! i got a new GREEN polo shirt today =]. i was too tired to wake up for breakfast with my dad, so he did the awesomest thing... when i woke up no one was home, when i went downstairs there was breakfast on the table. it was cold but it was one of the best. =]. gosh i love my dad. i've been calling her a lot lately. i love to hear her voice, but sometimes i run out of things to say, and i'm really sorry. i guess you can call it a good thing because i've told you everything =]. but i am sorry that sometimes its just quiet when we're on the phone. i'm sorry that sometimes i am really mean to you, and i laugh, and i don't see that it could hurt you. i'm sorry that i distract you from the things you do in the day. i'm sorry that i call too much and many of the times your in the middle of something. i'm sorry your still tired in the morning because i talk to you at night and when you wake up. i'm sorry that i made tiggy mad at me... thank you that you have helped me grow. thank you that you have made me try to become a better person, thank you that you have helped me care. thank you that you have helped bring me closer to God. Thank you for listening. thank you for caring. I have never felt such a deep feeling, and i've never felt closer to God. I just want you to know that i do try my best to make you happy, that i really do care for you, and that i would give up all this to see you. i want us to please God. i miss you so much... your in my heart. ily...
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Untitled Love @ 10:47 AM

It feels like its been so long since I've been home. Another week into history. It's nice that I'm home, but there are some problems that come along too. Since I've been home I've been by myself most of the day, and i guess i realized how much i really miss her. The longing feeling in my heart, now i guess i'm starting to see what she means by being scared. omgosh, i can't really describe it.

Psalm 138:6
"The Lord will accomplish what concerns me; Your lovingkindness, O Lord, is everlasting;"

I've been reading this verse many times over the last two weeks or so. I read it when I am in doubt, or when my trust in God is not as strong as i wish it would be. Let's put our trust in God, don't forget that love is patient. lets focus on the right things. We will stumble over this next year, but i'm not scared because i know that God will keep us together and help us up. Just think, when we meet faces again, what an accomplishment we have done. Then you can go beat me in badminton, haha. I feel good about this, i have my trust and faith in God. Its all in his hands, we just have to let him guide us. we'll be alright =].

Here are the lyrics to the Leaves of Autumn's (my band/band i'm in) - Untitled Love

Untitled Love

Verse 1
Now the year's almost gone and
I'm so glad that you are in my life
you have changed me forever
and now i am complete

verse 2
and we moved on with our lives
different faces, different people
and I'll never forget that
snowy night we spent together

Verse 3
I would give all i have away
just to see you once more
and the heart i see in you
full of love, full of comfort

Chorus
though our time was short
and we're almost apart now
i won't forget all our memories
but before you leave me
i have to tell you
how i feel about you

but hopefully the "before you leave me" part is not true =]. just know that i'm always here for you alright? God is always here for you too. I care for you a lot, and i won't let you go. Just keep your trust in him, in me. =]


Father in Heaven, please give us comfort, we are both scared right now, please help us understand what you are doing. This is a test from you, but even you know that us alone can not pass without your help. Father, i lift her up to you know, please help her grow and learn, grant her the courage to love Lord. Please help her focus on the things that need to be done, let our goal be that summer when i get to hug her. Thank you for bringing her into my life, it is an indescribable feeling. Keep our hearts in your hands and give us warmth. Lord we know that you hear our prayers, and when you show us that you have answered them is your decision. we know you have a plan for the both of us. Thank you once again, please be our glue =]. In your name~Amen
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Indescribable @ 3:58 PM

after a week, i still have no words to say about how thankful i am for God's grace. Yesterday during communion, i almost cried. the feeling was overwhelming. I walked down to get the body and the blood of christ, i got back to my seat, and prayed. it was during that prayer that i realized. I don't deserve any of this. i am unworthy of Jesus's Body and Blood. but God's love is unconditional and everlasting. I am a sinner, but God has still given so much to me, helped me learn, helped me grow. i don't normally say names on my blogs but he brought olivia into my life, who is by far one of the most important people in my life. His glory, his lovingkindness, its... indescribable. I know i wake you up sometimes, and i really don't mean to, i just love to hear your voice, it calms me down and suddenly everything else in the world is on pause, and my heart has peace. God has guided us both, he has given us strength and understanding. The more we grow in him the more we will grow with each other. what a wonderful maker. you truely are indescribable.

My savior, i am sorry for all the sins i have commited against you. i know many times i have been frustrated at you, saying that you don't really answer my prayers. i am sorry. now i see, that you are all powerful and you do answer and listen to all my prayers. Lord i do not deserve all you have given to me, but you gave them to me anyway. I give you so much praise. your unconditional love, is amazing. Lord please help me become an example. help me listen and serve your name. I thank you for her in my life. Thank you, i can not describe how happy i am with her. Lord you really did just, take the distance, and thrown it away. crushed it. We are not far at all, and we know that time is just a test. Lord please give us strength to get passed every obstacle thrown at us. i care for her with all my heart. thank you that we are able to share about your name. once again, thank you for your grace. "worthy is the Lamb, seated at the throne." In your name~Amen.
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I Need Words @ 9:42 AM

Today i got called a panda. Does that mean i'm fat? haha. Today is a good day for me. It feels like i'm finally ready to face the world again. I feel so confident. This is the first time i've ever felt this way. For devotions today i read about david and goliath. I saw how david, he never doubted God for a second. He wasn't even scared. All his trust, his faith, his love, he gave them all to God. and in return God gave him strength to defeat Goliath. I want to be more like david. Putting all i have with God and have faith that God will provide for my every need. what an indescribable God. it also reminded me about treasure hunters when auntie G made me dress up into this ridiculous costume made of garbage bags and baskets haha. it was totally worth it to see all the kids smile and laugh. It's an amazing feeling to bring joy to them. its even more amazing when you know its all for God. We spend our whole life for God, so that in a blink of an eye, we can finally meet him. I'm going camping for a couple days. I have a bit of a heartache. i've left once, and now i have to leave again. but i'm coming back soon this time. A call from her will make everything better *wink wink* (thats your cue haha =]). Thats if i'm not hiding from a bear. it would kinda suck if my phone rang then. I saw Naomi today, that was a pleasant surprise. I still think she's a bit crazy. haha =]. I actually planed on sleeping, i really did. But i had to help tiffany with her boy and i lost track of time. Then Olivia signed on and i just couldn't leave. haha, i'm such a sucker. My feelings are just going crazy right now. I don't know how i feel. I need words. its unexplainable. but i know it feels amazing, never in my life have i felt this strong about someone. God has really helped me learn and grow from knowing Olivia. I'm so thankful that is her. Sometimes my focus gets a little out of place, it goes on her, and she points me back into the direction of God. every single time. I can not even start explaining how it feels to have someone to watch out for your relationship with God, and put it in front of themselves. it really is like the sun is shining when the rain is pouring down. now I'm all out of words..

Dear God, I can not come close to thanking you enough. I'm lost without you. Thanking for lighting the path at my feet. Guiding me where i need to go. Thank you for your holy presence living in me. I can't imagine how great you are. You fill my every need. You have given me much more than i deserve. Lord i pray that you make me an even better christian, and serve you forever. Lord help me leave all my trust and faith and love with you. I know that with your mercy and your love, time will fly for us, and when we meet face to face, Lord, i pray that you will be the base of everything we have or will have. Even if that is not your plan for us, Lord i thank you for this moment. I now ask that you give us your grace, your love, and your kindness. Lord please give us the heart to serve, even if its right around the corner from our house. I praise you father almighty. I pray that you will be with her, comfort her in times of need. Keep our hearts safe and warm, in your hands, forever. In your name we pray~Amen
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We win some, and we learn some, but we never lose @ 3:42 PM

Waking up first thing in the morning and talking to her, its just such a wonderful feeling. I made a mistake today. I asked something that i shouldn't have. i know better than that. i'm deeply sorry. I'm so thankful, that there is someone that see's my flaws, and instead of walking away, tells me so i can grow and learn. What an awesome feeling to know there is someone like that for you. I'm in better hands now. I've given ALL my trust to God, and i am in his hands. Thank you for helping me focus on the right things. Talking to her in the morning calms my heart, it makes it feel so warm. It brightens my whole day even if the sun refuses to shine. I can not put down in words how thankful i am. and how much that i love your presence in my life. I believe we can make it. no matter how long or how far. you're right. trust is all we need. trust in God, and trust in each other. The whole time i've known you, i've been growing, showing me that God always has a plan, whether its testing us, guiding us, teaching us, or giving us peace in our heart so we can rest. He is an essential in our whole life. Each day is so amazing thanks to his grace. i'm here, waiting, for as long as you need me to wait, could be soon, could be forever. I trust him that he will guide me through the darkness in which i can not see, because the darkest places to us are the brightest to him. though we haven't known each other for very long, and we do not know everything about each other, i feel that you are already one of my closest friends. you are someone i would trust with my life. We win some, and we learn some, but we never lose. i don't miss you anymore, because we're not apart from each other any longer. i would like to share these lyrics with you.

Unfailing Love - Chris Tomlin

You have my heart
And I am yours forever
You are my strength
God of grace and power

And everything
You hold in Your hand
Still You make time for me
I can't understand

Praise You, God of earth and sky
How beautiful is Your unfailing love
Unfailing love
And You never change, God, You remain
The Holy One and my unfailing love
Unfailing love

You are my rock
The One I hold on to
You are my song
And I sing for You

And everything
You hold in Your hand
Still You make time for me
I can't understand

Praise You, God of earth and sky
How beautiful is Your unfailing love
Unfailing love
And You never change, God, You remain
The Holy One and my unfailing love
Unfailing love

And everything (everything)
You hold in Your hand
And still You make time for me
I can't understand (can't understand still)

Praise You, God of earth and sky
How beautiful is Your unfailing love
Unfailing love
And You never change, God, You remain
The Holy one and my unfailing love
Unfailing love
(I will praise You)

Prayer - Father God, how beautiful is your unfailing love. You are my everything lord. I give it all to you right now. I can not thank you enough for your power, grace, love, kindness. Thank you for giving me someone that will not just walk away from me because i make mistakes, but shows them to me and help me become better. Lord i pray that as our lives move on, we continue to grow with each other, in your love. Please help us strengthen our relationship with you, before ours. Lord I continue to pray for your grace, understanding, and guidance. please let us have faith in you. please keep our hearts safe and warm in your hands. You are our strength. thank you. in Jesus's name we pray~Amen
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Thank You @ 1:09 PM

Another night without rest. but this time it wasn't a bad thing. I got to see her face today, and hear her voice. It was so amazing. It brought back the life into me. things are going back to normal. some friends stopped by to say hi and to jam a bit on the guitars. we fused collide - howie day and i'm yours - jason mraz together. it sounds so awesome. i'm not sure i want things to go back to normal. though it would help if i stopped falling asleep during dinner. haha. but. waking up to a unbelievable face is completely worth it. i saw her whole family too. and their maid looked at the camera funny and was like wtf?!? haha. i'm tired, my heart is tired. so many emotions are running in me. fear, love, hope, sadness, happyness. everyone went to watch a movie for school. most of my friends don't go to the same school i do. we might play apples to apples later. my favorite board game. all of this is fun. but i don't know if i'm ready to face the world again. on facebook i was told that i've forgoten my heart in singapore. the pastor teased me and said he could send it back to me if i needed it. but i think i'm going to leave it there for a while. i didn't forget it. i left it there. its split into two. its not broken. both halves have the love and kindness and grace that God has given to me. half is for the children, the smiles of their faces are all in it. the other half is buried. waiting to be found. i've given directions to whom i want to find it, they are written in letters that nobody but one understands. She must put her trust in God that he will show the way and she must choose to look for it. and i hope. if she finds it she will see how warm it has become from her hands. and hopefully she will put it with hers.

Father God, what a wonderful maker you are. you look at us from the inside out. my lord my king, i asked for your grace and understanding. please help me understand what your grace really means. i ask for peace, that my heart can start to burn a steady flame. Because in the beginning, when you first start the logs, it burns brightly, wild, it is still new. as it continues burning, it slows down, and becomes a steady flame. Lord i ask that you give me that calmness. Let our faith and trust and love for you grow strong. as that grows strong please let our faith and trust and love for each other follow. all this takes time. so i also ask for patience. God how awesome are you? i that you for all these opportunities. that you for easing the pain in my heart today. I praise your name. In jesus name we pray~Amen
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